The Pen (Poem)

An original poem written to express the joy and freedom found through grieving the loss of old narratives about ourselves, others, and the world around us.

WHEN I WAS A BABY
I COULDN’T HOLD A PEN
I COULDN’T WRITE MY NAME
SO MY PARENTS DID
AND OVER TIME
ALL THOSE WHO WERE ABLE
WROTE MY NARRATIVE FOR ME
WITHOUT MY SEAT AT THE TABLE.

AT THE TIME I THOUGHT
MY SILENCE WAS GOLDEN
I EMBODIED THE LIES
ABOUT ME I WAS TOLD THEN
AND WITH GIANT TEARS
WELLING UP IN MY EYES
I SAT STILL IN THE CORNER
WHILE THEY STORIED MY LIFE.

THE PEN WAS PASSED AROUND
FROM PERSON TO PERSON
AND THEY DESCRIBED HOW THEY SAW ME;
CRITICISMS IN CURSIVE.

BY THE TIME I WAS OLDER
I BEGAN TO READ
ALL THE THINGS IN THIS BOOK,
THE MYSTERY OF ME
AND THOSE SLURS THAT I’D HEARD
STUNG DIFFERENTLY
READING PAGE AFTER PAGE
IN MY MISERY.

ONCE I WAS ABLE
I BEGAN TO WRITE,
BLACK INK FROM MY PEN
THE WORDS SHARP AS A KNIFE.
AS I USED THE CRITIC’S VOICE
TO NARRATE MY LIFE,
I DIDN’T KNOW THEN
ANOTHER PART OF ME EXISTED–
BEYOND THE PUT DOWNS
AND PRESUPPOSITIONS,

UNTIL THE DAY CAME
THAT MY PEN RAN DRY
AND I LOST MY WILL
TO READ OR TO WRITE.

AT FIRST IT WAS LONELY
NOT TO KNOW MY OWN STORY,
NOT TO FILL ENDLESS PAGES
WITH MY FALL FROM GLORY.

UNTIL ONE DAY,
I DISCOVERED NEW INK
AND FOR THE VERY FIRST TIME
I WAS ABLE TO THINK

THE SILENCE WAS BOOMING
WITH A BEAUTIFUL PROSE
THAT BOASTED OF LOVE
ONLY MY SPIRIT HAD KNOWN.

THERE HAD BEEN SOMETHING HIDING
IN THE BLANKS OF OLD PAGES
A NEW NARRATIVE FORMING
IN THE NEGATIVE SPACES

I SAW SOMETHING BRAVE,
SOMETHING BOLD,
SOMETHING NEW:
A CHARACTER EMERGING

OUT OF WORDS THAT WERE TRUE.
MY SPIRIT STARTED WRITING
IN COLORS SO VIBRANT
THEY DANCED TO THE BEAT
AS I SAT TO REVISE IT.

THE STORY OF ME
IS NO ONE ELSE’S TO WRITE
I GET TO BE FREE
WHEN THE VOICE IS MINE.

SO HEAR ME NOW
AND HEAR ME CLEARLY
MY NEW PEN IS SPECIAL
AND I TREASURE IT DEARLY.

AND DON’T EVEN ASK
IF YOU CAN BORROW IT SOMETIME–
THIS NEW INK ONLY WORKS
WHEN THE HANDWRITING’S MINE.

BUT FEEL FREE TO STAY TUNED
FOR WHAT’S COMING NEXT,
BECAUSE FOR THE REST OF THIS BOOK
I CHOOSE THE CONTENT.